My Arch Nemesis

Q.  Why did the termite eat a sofa and two chairs?

A.  It had a suite tooth.

 

Q.  What did the termite say when he walked into the bar?

A.  Where is the bar tender?

 

Q.  What does a termite eat for breakfast?

A.  Oakmeal.

 

A termite walks into a bar and asks: “is the bartender here?”

(C’mon…think about it! :))

 

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Termite.

Termite who?

Termite’s the night and I’m feeling all right!

 

I will be here all night, don’t you worry.  Now that I have you rolling in your chairs, at least the ones of you sitting in chairs with wheels, now let’s get down and dirty about my arch nemesis, The Termite.

How does a tiny insect tear down your house, well, I thought you would never ask.  There’s power in numbers (same thing happens with Liberals).  The sad fact is, if you don’t know what to look for, you can have you can have termites in your house for years and years without ever knowing it.  One large termite queen can lay over one thousand eggs per day and the life time of a queen can be 50 up to years.  You think she can remember all their birthdays?  I doubt it.  Man, I am bringing it tonight!!!!  I should have been a comedian, not too many Irish comedians though.  Irish jokes are like, “You know what happened to my grandmother the other day, yeah, she died”, but I digress.

Back to termites.  Termites have different casts.  You have the reproductives, soldiers and workers.

There are a few different types of reproductives.  One type is the Alates, the young winged reproductives of both sexes. From time to time about 100 to 1000 alates leave the colony for a mating and colonizing flight. After mating a pair settles down at a suitable site like a rotting scar on a tree or your house, they will establish a new colony.  These will become de-alates, the king and queen of the new colony should they be lucky enough to survive. Most of these will die within hours of leaving the original colony but it only takes one pair to do thousands of dollars in damage.  As the number of individuals in the colony grows, the more workers are available to help the young queen to care for the brood. After three to five years the number of individuals is already so large, that the colony of a pest species can turn into the damaging stage.

Workers are sterile, wingless and blind, males and females. Their cuticle is unpigmented and not hardened; therefore the animals are confined to a dark and moist environment. Workers build the nest and galleries, they fetch food, care for the brood and feed reproductives and soldiers. The worker’s life span is one to two years.

The last cast is Soldiers, like workers they are sterile, wingless and blind, males and females with an unpigmented, unsclerotized cuticle. Soldiers defend their colony from intruders by the use of powerful jaws and/or by ejecting a white sticky repellent from an opening on their head. Soldiers can’t feed themselves, they have to be fed by workers. Usually the number of soldiers is much smaller than the number of workers. Soldiers can be mandibulate or nasute, depending on the species. Therefore soldiers can be used for the identification of termite species. The life span of the soldiers is one to two years.

Termites have a purpose in the environment.  They are very effective in helping to keep forest litter down.  It’s when they get to our homes, businesses, and anything else we have made of a wood based product, that we start to have problems.  If you think you have termites in your house, give The Bug’s End a call and we will come out for free and see what’s going on.

OK, OK, there have been so many requests for more jokes, so here is one more (you always want to leave them wanting).

Q.  What does a gay termite eat?

A.  Wood Pecker, duh.

Shane Young

The Bug’s End

Operations Manager

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